we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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