my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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