can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
