hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
