oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize