The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
