How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
