I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
