Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
