If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My pussy is not your playground.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
