Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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