Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
