my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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