just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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