dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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