Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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