the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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