Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
