Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
