She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
