The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
