I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize