i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Welp...herpes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
