At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
