Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
