when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
