Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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