I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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