did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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