so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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