member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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