Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
