I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
