we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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