How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She's the barista slut.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
