I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
