Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
