Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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