As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you never un-have a 4some
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
