at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How external is "for external use only"?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize