just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
