Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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