Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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