my sisters under your porch take her home
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
