We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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