Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
