He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
