I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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