Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
