I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
