Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize