I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
