he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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