Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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