He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
