The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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