addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize