you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
