Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize