I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
