After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
