im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
