Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
