Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
