Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
