we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
