he thought i was a dude.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
