took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
