How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
