Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize