so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
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