Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
