ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
