im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
