i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
