I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
