Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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