Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
