it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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