life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
